Emotional Bank Account

This whole concept fit nicely with 5 Languages of Love we just read. We each have Love Tanks and Emotional Bank Accounts. Our “tanks” and “bank accounts” can be “low” and “overdrawn”. We do this by being unkind, dishonest etc. and a lot of homes and marriages and low and overdrawn. Deposits, on the other hand, will create a united, loving family.

All of these deposits are principles. Covey talks about how this is the way we create a family culture that is real and eternal. We make conscious efforts to make personal deposits (a.k.a. deposits that speak specifically to your spouse and children----their love language) and these deposits are the foundation of our family culture.

Know your spouse’s and children’s deposit and love language. I don’t even know Dusty’s love language yet, but I want to learn what that is. I am anxious to know how to love and serve him better.

If you have broken a lot of promises, the family culture is broken. It needs rebuilding. Trust and respect are essential for building a successful family who has a real family culture.

One thing I loved from Covey is his statement, “Be more true to principles than you are to people. Does that test you? It really does. So learn to make and keep promises….Make promises but make them very carefully.”

Simple things like kindness are HUGE in making emotional deposits in your spouse and children’s life. Unfortunately, this simple thing is missing in a lot of people’s marriages and homes. How are we doing in this regard? How are our children seeing us exemplify this simple principle? People are tender. All of us have tender emotions, no matter what their past or present actions. Kindness is the key to get to the root of emotion and create results.

Covey says, “The truest test of the family culture is how you treat the child that tests you the most.” Wow! That is so true. I am also reminded of a story where a little girl threw a fit every morning before school and no one wanted to deal with her anymore. One day the father just took her in his arms and rocked her back and forth and told her how much he loved her and how special she is. After that, she was ready to go to school and she never had another outburst before school.

“The key to the many is how you treat the one,” said Covey. Everyone is that one! All of us have little parts in our life where we are the “one”. How would we want to be treated in our time of emotional need? How are we treating the “one” in our family? The key to the many is how you treat the one. I believe this to be true. If we are not treating the “one” as we would want to be treated, we will undermine and destroy our family culture. It’s not believable anymore.

“With people slow is fast and fast is slow.”

This refers to the effort that we put in to our families. If we try to make a “quick” fix we are actually creating a slow healing process. People need to be shown true love and affection. If it takes more time, so be it. If we take a “slow” approach and take time out for the people in our family that need us the most, it will actually turn out to be the “quickest fix”.

I know that families are eternal. The things that are worth fighting for in this life require these slow yet quick fixes.

There are so many ways that you can makes deposits and withdraws from your families emotional bank accounts. Take the first step now and start with the understanding that principles govern and decide and commit to yourself if you will follow those principles. Once you really know that it will be hard to deviate from this concept of family cultures and emotional bank accounts and you will be working towards a true, meaningful, successful family.