sooo

Anyone else struggling with this book or is it just me?

Book Clubbers

Hey ladies!
Just a little update. I know Amy and I just barely received our books, so I will be starting it today. More posts to come ; ) Also, Delaina can't make it to the meeting this month and we don't know the official status of anyone else we invited, annndd our ward is having the Ward Blitz thing that morning that we should go to. So, bottom line: Lets try out a virtual book club this month. That does mean we need to hold ourselves accountable and make sure to post on-line okay? If we like it -- and if we can't find anymore people looking to expand their horizons by joining the book club -- then we could always keep it a virtual book club and potentially invite people who live far away. Anyway, just some thoughts. We'll see how this month goes.

-Marcie

Awesome product for us mommies!

Hey ladies! Since we're young moms, I just thought I would share a product review about one of my favorite nursing products!

You've all experienced it. You're sitting in some public setting with a Sesame Street blankie thrown over your shoulder. You're trying to look calm and in control, but in reality you're rigid with fear that your bundle-of-joy will grab the said blankie and expose your baby-feeding-goods to the whole world -- or worse, to your father-in-law! With my first child I nursed behind closed doors, inside bathroom stalls, and underneath baby blankets. By the time I had my second child I wasn't looking forward to another go of breastfeeding hide-and-seek. Luckily, I found an incredible breastfeeding tool: THE MOMMY COVER by JOIA (www.themommycover.com). Not only is the product stylish and fun (good bye teddy bears and duckies), but it is functional and comfortable. Thanks to the expandable reel in the back, the nursing cover stays comfortably in place (unlike those other "apron" versions on the market, which still left me feeling exposed). I've told all my friends about the product because I know how important breastfeeding is -- and this product just made it easier:)

Time to call quits

Hey gals! sad to say I won't be making it to the meeting on Sat. and unfortunately will probably not be part of the book club anymore. :( things are just wayyyy too crazy. I just found out that we are closing on our house tomorrow and so Saturday will be spent packing up and we are going to move Tuesday!! I'm super excited, but sad to leave! Happy Reading to ya'll! =)

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Rededicate. Recommit. Lead your family. This is a daily exercise. Take time out for you. Take time out for your family. My body, mind and spirit are what need personal rejuvenation so that I can concentrate on the other 6 habits and really lead the life I want. My renewal process is kind of scattered at the moment. I don’t have a routine. This is one thing that I want to commit to doing. I want to feel the value in my life and the value I create. I want to know that my presence here on earth made a difference. I have to “sharpen the saw” in order to make that happen!

Long term and short term planning is required to do this successfully. However, spontaneity is also a great thing to “leave room” for. Have traditions. Plan vacations. Have one on one time with family and yourself. Go on dates with your spouse AND your children.

Treat your family table as an altar. This is a special time. Spend it with them. Just talk. Love. Laugh. Have fun. Be serious. Renew your family at the dinner table.

Have FHE no matter what you have to do to make it happen—make it happen. Have family councils. Know your family. Know their likes and needs. Love them. Help them. Pay the price for what means most to you!

Habit 6: Synergize

Synergy = The whole is greater is than the sum of its parts. This is based on relationships and how they relate. Your family’s synergy is vital to its culture. Synergy is cultivated in a win-win situation. Synergy is realized when all parties involved are working towards that vision—family mission statement.

There is a saying that says energy flows where attention goes. If our families are unified, their attention will go towards activities, actions and relationships where positive energy creates synergy and takes steps toward the personal and family vision. You can’t have a synergistic family that hates its family culture and don’t get a long. I love the concept of synergy and I believe in it wholeheartedly. When there is synergy that means that a lot of other facets to the family are successful.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, then Seek to be Understood

I think this concept is easy to grasp but rarely used? Why? I think that we all have this dire need to feel understood and so there is this urgency that comes with being understood. The problem is the other person you are communicating with feels the same way. Then we turn our needs inward and we stop listening to the other person.

My heart broke as I heard the story of a man who punished his little son every time he went around the corner. The boy kept going around the corner and the dad kept punishing the son. Out of tear filled eyes, the boy finally asked his father, “What does corner mean, Daddy?” Wow! What a lesson. The dad was stuck in his own world and sought to be understood NOT to understand. Because of this gross error, the little boy unknowingly and innocently made an action that resulted in undeserved punishment.

I can see how so much miscommunication and problems can be solved before they start if we would just try to understand others first. This will take practice I am sure. In my experience I am more likely to try to be understood first when I am reacting instead of being proactive. When I am making my choices based on emotion rather than understanding and insight I tend to have a more selfish environment instead of self-interest which would actually lead me to understand.

When we show that we understand the other person, you are showing them that you validate them. You see their perspective and it matters to you. You connect with them. You have filled a great need in their life just by understanding them, even if you don’t agree.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Everybody wants a win-win situation. Having this type of mindset creates an attitude of doing good for others and yourself, self-interest. This is a spirit. An environment. Synergy.

We have to literally retrain our mind to create this spirit of win-win. We have been compared to others and been in certain environments for so long that we have created this “scarcity” mindset where everything is a competition and there isn’t enough, thus creating a win-lose, lose-win or lose-lose.

I love this story of the green and clean example. Covey gave his son responsibility to get the yard “green and clean”. It didn’t go quite as planned. Covey had to remember what was first in his life, “Raise boys, not grass”—relationships were more important than the grass. His son hadn’t kept his end of the bargain but Covey realized that you don’t abandon the plan when it doesn’t go so smoothly, especially at the beginning.

“You can’t hold people responsible for results if you supervise their methods.” Give them guidelines but don’t tell them what or how to do it. Let them discover their options. Let your children and your family make mistakes. Hold them accountable as agreed but do it with love. The ownership and stewardship associated with responsibility and agreements will create energetic approaches to other areas of life. They will feel that satisfaction and sense of accomplishment and growth that can only come from personal responsibility—this includes mistakes and successes that comes from personal growth. If we create a win-win in our homes I bet we will see magic happen!

Habit 3: Put First Things First

This is the habit of discipline. I love this saying, “The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing!” People and relationships are the first thing. These are the things that matter first. This “first thing” list is different for everyone. Step back and look at what you are doing now. Are you putting the “first things first”? I know I can do better in this arena.

What will you commit to invest your time in? Your marriage? Your children? Your job? Your personal goals? What needs your attention? What will you commit to give your attention to? How can you affirm those people and relationships that are important to you?

All of these questions lead me to the next logical step which is to plan and set goals. What will be my specific action steps to achieve my vision and really show my family that I hold them first in my life?

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

You can’t start with the end in mind without knowing what you your end to look like. This is what will determine everything else you do. All other decisions will be based upon what your end is. Can you vision it? How clear, how specific is your vision? It’s not that you will just have a better job in a year. It’s that on January 10, 2009 I work from home doing Internet marketing making $50, 000 a year.

Do you have a mission statement? What about a family mission statement? Do you know the values and principles that you will commit to that will ensure your vision will come to pass?

This is a very personal journey that is priceless. I really recommend reading and understanding better what entails a personal and family mission statement. This is a process. It’s a journey. This is another concept of a “slow yet fast fix”. Don’t borrow someone else’s. Take the time and effort to create one that means so much to your family that there is no way you vision won’t come to pass because everyone is so committed to its purpose. It is so powerful that no matter how hard life becomes, you won’t abandon it. It is a part of you. It’s something that people love, respect, they feel they belong and it is referred to in any circumstance.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

As I read about what proactive people are made of I immediately thought of some of you; those people in my life who teach me what that concept really means and how important that is in life. Proactive people do what is necessary to create good things and make good things happen. Proactive people choose their response to all situations. Proactive people know they have a choice and use that knowledge to move themselves from pain to power.

The opposite of that is to be reactive. These kinds of people live in a “victim” paradigm. They live their lives by their emotions---a perfect recipe for misery, suffering and pain. They let life live them instead of living their life and consciously making choices of power.

The concept of the Circle of Influence is the concept of that circle that proactive people choose to put their focus; things that are in our circle to control or influence. It can get summed up in the theory “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” It’s a concept that will help us see that we have a choice to react or be proactive. Proactive people understand how to “deal” with things that are out of their control—they let it go and focus their energy to the things that are in their Circle of Influence.

I also loved the concept of Transition People Covey discusses. I really want to be a transition person. In some ways I feel that I am. A transition person stops a cycle and starts a new one. This can be a cycle of negative thought patterns, abuse, illiteracy etc. Transition people are those that aren’t happy with a situation and then go off and do something about it to create the situation that they want. Transition people are so important. It can be a painful process but is essential to create the life you want and to reach your God-given potential. These are people that know they don’t have to respond in old ways to new situations; they don’t blame their circumstances, they take control of them—change them. This takes courage and constant work, hard work and daily re-dedication to your goals and desires. I truly believe transition people have special help from the Lord. The Lord wants us to reach our divine potential. He will bless us in our worthy goals.

Do you want more out of your life? Then step up to the plate and become a transition person. Dedicate your life to creating a better life for yourself, your family and your posterity.

Emotional Bank Account

This whole concept fit nicely with 5 Languages of Love we just read. We each have Love Tanks and Emotional Bank Accounts. Our “tanks” and “bank accounts” can be “low” and “overdrawn”. We do this by being unkind, dishonest etc. and a lot of homes and marriages and low and overdrawn. Deposits, on the other hand, will create a united, loving family.

All of these deposits are principles. Covey talks about how this is the way we create a family culture that is real and eternal. We make conscious efforts to make personal deposits (a.k.a. deposits that speak specifically to your spouse and children----their love language) and these deposits are the foundation of our family culture.

Know your spouse’s and children’s deposit and love language. I don’t even know Dusty’s love language yet, but I want to learn what that is. I am anxious to know how to love and serve him better.

If you have broken a lot of promises, the family culture is broken. It needs rebuilding. Trust and respect are essential for building a successful family who has a real family culture.

One thing I loved from Covey is his statement, “Be more true to principles than you are to people. Does that test you? It really does. So learn to make and keep promises….Make promises but make them very carefully.”

Simple things like kindness are HUGE in making emotional deposits in your spouse and children’s life. Unfortunately, this simple thing is missing in a lot of people’s marriages and homes. How are we doing in this regard? How are our children seeing us exemplify this simple principle? People are tender. All of us have tender emotions, no matter what their past or present actions. Kindness is the key to get to the root of emotion and create results.

Covey says, “The truest test of the family culture is how you treat the child that tests you the most.” Wow! That is so true. I am also reminded of a story where a little girl threw a fit every morning before school and no one wanted to deal with her anymore. One day the father just took her in his arms and rocked her back and forth and told her how much he loved her and how special she is. After that, she was ready to go to school and she never had another outburst before school.

“The key to the many is how you treat the one,” said Covey. Everyone is that one! All of us have little parts in our life where we are the “one”. How would we want to be treated in our time of emotional need? How are we treating the “one” in our family? The key to the many is how you treat the one. I believe this to be true. If we are not treating the “one” as we would want to be treated, we will undermine and destroy our family culture. It’s not believable anymore.

“With people slow is fast and fast is slow.”

This refers to the effort that we put in to our families. If we try to make a “quick” fix we are actually creating a slow healing process. People need to be shown true love and affection. If it takes more time, so be it. If we take a “slow” approach and take time out for the people in our family that need us the most, it will actually turn out to be the “quickest fix”.

I know that families are eternal. The things that are worth fighting for in this life require these slow yet quick fixes.

There are so many ways that you can makes deposits and withdraws from your families emotional bank accounts. Take the first step now and start with the understanding that principles govern and decide and commit to yourself if you will follow those principles. Once you really know that it will be hard to deviate from this concept of family cultures and emotional bank accounts and you will be working towards a true, meaningful, successful family.

Paradigm Shift

New information shifts your paradigm. Think of the example with Covey and the man and unruly children on the bus. When Covey found the new information, his paradigm and mindset totally shifted and evoked in him compassion where resentment and annoyance once stood. How you see something affects all that you do. Think of your life if you didn’t have the scriptures, books and all of the other media and education at your disposal. How sad it is that there are so many opportunities to learn and we let them pass us by. Since I have become an avid reader about 3 years ago, my paradigm has shifted 180 degrees. I can see the path of ignorance that I would have followed my entire life if I would have let those opportunities for learning pass me by.

Principles Govern

Aligning ourselves with principles is what will determine our outcome. There are no shortcuts. I have learned in my life that the most rewarding things have been achieved through MUCH hard work. It isn’t ironic that those things that are most precious to us in our lives (our families) come with a high price (hard work, sacrifice etc.).

Always try to teach that principle that underlies a situation, especially to yourself and your children. Your family will eventually grasp the concept of principles and understand how aligning their lives to principles are the only way to achieve happiness and success. This will also teach them to look beyond the situation into a deeper realm in every situation, knowing that there are principles there and lessons to learn. This winning mindset will serve them throughout their life.

It’s our choice. It’s our agency. We decide what paradigm we will follow. We choose happiness or suffering.

Habit #3 and #4

To me, this chapter was pretty simple, but I really liked the list of suggestions on HOW to "Put First Things First" (what can I say ... I love lists). I also enjoyed the fact that he was basically promoting FHE to the secular audience :)

I think this chapter (#4) provided some great insights and tools for working with teenagers. Shay is still a tad young to understand the concept of "win-win" but I plan on teaching this to my family, and implementing "win-win agreements" if there is a big problem that needs to be solved. (page #192)

Habit 2!

Ok, so as LDS chicas we know the importance of "beginning with the end in mind." I feel like everyday I am praying for eternal perspective so that I can live more purposefully, righteously and faithfully. What I liked about this chapter was how it applied the idea of a family mission statement, because, "Without vision the people perish."
This was a powerful statement for me "Because all things are created twice, if you don't take charge of the first creation someone or something else will. Creating a family mission statement is taking charge of teh first creation. It's deciding what kind of family you really want to be and identifying the principles that will help you get there. And that decision will give context to every other decision you make. It will become your destination. It will act like a huge, powerful magnet that draws you toward it and helps you stay on track." Even though I want my family to be apart of creating the mission statement, I am going to make it a goal to sit down with Trent and create a real couples mission statement to guide us until our children are old enough to become invested in creating a family mission statement.

Be Proactive

I remember reading 7 Habits for teens when I was in H.S. and being so excited to really learn about being "proactive" and "reactive." Now that I am a parent and am working to build a family I see what a HUGE difference a proactive attitude makes in a family setting. More and more, the world around us is stuck in victim mentality and people simply react to things around them. How powerful it will be to teach our children this principle (and live it ourselves) and have a family culture where we are proactive people. After he talks about the four unique gifts that humans have he says "The fact that we have these four unique gifts means no one has to be a victim" AMEN brotha. Later in the chapter he talks about The Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern. I know I am a person that tends to stress about things in the Circle of Concern. Reading this chapter has helped me to recognize that and helped me to focus my energies on the Cirlce of Influence. I think this is a powerful principle, especially how they illustrated it with the example on page 44 about the parent with the misbehaving teenager. It kind of reminded me of "The Anatomy of Peace" and how we should look inward when trying to solve problems. So my challenge is to "Listen to your Language" (pg. 44). Are you in your Circle of INfluence and using proactive speech? Or do you find yourself blaming or accusing? (I know I'm definetly guilty of saying "My toddler is driving me crazy! ...) Have an awesome week and happy reading!

7 Habits

I love the "Miracle of the Chinese Bamboo Tree" I feel like I'm trying to invest all of this time and effort into my family -- but I'm not always sure if any results are coming of it. ESPECIALLY with my toddler :) Teaching and growing together takes a lot of patience and a lot of dilligence. I have the microwave-mentality where I want my results right away usually. By the way, I love hte end chapter questoins. I have used those to teach Trent the material from the book and to start discussions -- they're great.